the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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