Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
