Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
tell me about the fingering
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