"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
