I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
