I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
