he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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