She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
