So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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