idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My nipple is on Facebook.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
