My nipple is on Facebook.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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