He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
