I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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