You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
