I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
