She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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