today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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