just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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