If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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