its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize