I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
