Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
