Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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