i already hear my dad disowning me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
