WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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