In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
