one might say we're banned from that church
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
where are my eyebrows?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
