I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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