I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
