Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
