Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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