I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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