Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
