I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
