Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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