I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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