Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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