No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
