Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
