I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
