I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
