I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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