The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
