No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
