yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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