JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
