I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
