Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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