i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
