when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
