Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
